Become ‘Besties’ With Your Ego and Discover Your True Self

I sometimes feel sorry for the ego (cue sad background music). It cops a bit of a raw deal at times, especially in spiritual circles. We’re told we must transcend it, overcome it, purify it, eliminate it (a touch dramatic!). What if the solution lies, not in casting it out into the cold night air, but in wrapping it in a warm loving embrace and cosying up together next to the fireplace? What if your ego could become a powerful ally on your journey to self-discovery? Let’s explore how to transform your relationship with your ego to create a life of authenticity, purpose, and fulfilment.

Let’s face it, without the ego we’d never get anything done. The ego is the part of ourselves that operates in the 3rd dimension – the world of physical form, individuality, and separation. It understands the ‘rules’ of this 3D world, and it’s all about action. It motivates us to set goals, make to-do lists, and strive for achievement. It helps us set boundaries, make decisions, and protects us from harm. Heck, without the ego, we wouldn’t even know who we are! It is literally responsible for forming our sense of self. It shapes who we think we are in relation to others, in response to a variety of influences. Influences such as: our childhood experiences, social and cultural conditioning, role models, personal relationships, and inner work. The ego is the ‘I’ that thinks, plans, and acts in the physical world. This makes it a vital part of the manifestation process. It provides the mechanism to materialise our thoughts into action.

The ego really is a master of the third dimension, the realm of the physical and material. It is the place of duality, where everything is viewed in terms of opposites. Black and white, good and bad, right and wrong, self and other. The ego loves nothing more than to use these opposites to create a scale for measurement and comparison. This measurement-based perspective is how the ego creates its sense of identity – ‘I’ am this and ‘I’ am not that. The ego’s attachment to a fixed identity leads to self-imposed boundaries, stifling personal growth and limiting our freedom to explore our true potential. If I am this, I must do the things that this type of person would do. I cannot choose to be, do, think, or feel, anything that this type of person would not choose.

The ego means well and it’s always got our back, in the dualistic sense of the word. That’s why going into battle with the ego is so futile. It creates a situation where there is a winner and loser. You end up fighting the ego on its home turf – duality!

That doesn’t mean we should hand the wheel over to the ego and leave it to navigate on its own though. It’s just one part of your being, and it comes with a hefty suitcase full of baggage. You know, all the ‘stuff’ you try to ignore, suppress, deny, reject, and generally pretend doesn’t exist. That ‘stuff’ usually has feelings attached to it, and those feelings are a problem for the ego. This is where the ego, being the measuring and categorizing master that it is, loves to label our experiences in dualistic terms. This was a good experience. That wasn’t. And, being the protective type, it does everything it can to prevent us from bad things – including bad feelings.

In its efforts to keep us as safe and secure as possible, the ego is constantly on the lookout for anything that might pose a threat. Potential threats (according to the ego) include:

• Emotional Pain: Past hurts are stored in the memory banks, in order to protect us from re-experiencing painful emotions. Avoidance of painful emotions can lead to fear of vulnerability, intimacy, or taking risks.
• Loss of Control: The ego likes to know what’s in store. Uncertainty, change, and the unknown, are not comfortable terrain for the ego. They can cause anxiety, worry, and the need to micromanage. 

So how does the ego keep us safe and protected? It has a few tried and true methods in its tool kit:

• Defence Mechanisms: It can try to distort reality or the truth in order to help us feel calm and at ease. These unconscious methods include denial, suppression, projection, and rationalisation.
• Limiting Beliefs: It creates limiting beliefs about ourselves and the world around us to keep us in the perceived safety zone.
• Control and Perfectionism: The ego’s distaste for uncertainty and failure can manifest as the need to always control situations and strive for perfectionism.
• Seeking External Validation: Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity can drive the ego to compensate by seeking validation from others.

When the ego is not operating in alignment and cooperation with the rest of your being, it becomes driven by dualistic constructs of fear, insecurity, and the need for external validation. This results in:

Judgment and Comparison: Constantly comparing yourself to others fosters a sense of separation and rivalry, blocking opportunities for collaboration and growth.

• Internal Conflict: The inner critic takes over, bullying you from the inside out, fuelling self-doubt and undermining your confidence. This can lead to creative blocks and a fear of failure.
• Inflexibility: You can become fixed in your ways and resistant to change. Your reluctance to explore new possibilities then restricts the choices available to you and limits your potential.

The heart communicates through feelings. They are its primary language and guidance system, offering a pathway to the truth. The heart, unlike the ego, does not judge feelings as good or bad. Feelings such as sadness or anger are not considered to be negative or positive, merely signposts that guide you toward the truth of who you are. The heart is the compass that always points towards love and our authentic self.

The heart loves you enough to make you uncomfortable. ‘Bad’ feelings can help you recognise when you are not acting in alignment with your true nature. They are a sign that the ego is running amok in ‘protector mode’.  Shutting down or avoiding certain feelings blocks or distorts the heart’s guidance. Allowing all feelings, good or bad, is the key to accessing your inner wisdom and knowing, beyond the constructed identity of the ego. Let’s face it, living a lie and not being authentic doesn’t feel good. Following the heart’s guidance requires a great deal of self-trust and the courage to make choices that go against external expectations or the fear of the unknown. It’s about having the courage to be true to oneself.

When you allow yourself to experience all of your feelings, the world around you then becomes a mirror. Your feelings act as a feedback system, with the ‘bad’ feelings highlighting where you may be out of alignment with your authentic self. The anger you felt about the comment your coworker made becomes an inroad to exploring your own triggers. Once you allow the anger and can use it as a guide to explore ‘why’ you felt angry towards your coworker, you can let the anger go. It has served its purpose. The feeling has helped you to become aware of a belief, attitude, rule, expectation, unmet need – or literally any self-imposed limitation- that is no longer serving you. The ego created it to keep you safe and protected at some point in the past, but it no longer functions in your best interests and highest good.

Of course, it’s not only about feelings. They are just the signposts, letting us know when we are resisting the truth. Your resistance is often rooted in judgements you’ve made about who you (or others) are meant to be, or unreasonable expectations you may have of yourself (or others). Resisting our true nature creates friction, frustration, and a whole lot of unnecessary baggage on our journey of life. It is the resistance that causes pain and suffering, and it can manifest in various ways:

• Denial and Suppression: Denying or suppressing the parts of ourselves we deem unacceptable creates internal conflict that can lead to emotional imbalances and even physical symptoms.
• Self-sabotage: We might engage in behaviours that unconsciously block us from reaching our full potential or experiencing true happiness.
• Relationship Difficulties: Our struggle to be authentic with others can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a sense of isolation.
• Limited Potential: Clinging to a narrow and rigid sense of self can limit our creativity, growth, and fulfilment.
• Spiritual Stagnation: Resisting the lessons and opportunities for growth that our life experiences present can hinder our spiritual development.

The thing is, that suitcase with the ‘baggage’ of denied truths about who you are doesn’t empty itself. If you don’t unpack some of the contents every now and then, you end up lugging around a giant fishing net of unresolved baggage into every moment of your day. It starts to weigh you down, draining your energy levels and holding you back. You reach a point where the prospect of undoing the latch becomes daunting. The thought of sorting all the items you’ve collected seems impossible.

The secret lies in how you unpack the case. You see, you don’t have to unpack everything all at once. The idea when unpacking the suitcase isn’t to scatter the contents throughout the room, disrupting the peace and tranquillity of your surroundings, turning it into a space you can’t wait to escape from. Trust in divine timing. When the time is right, you’ll be guided to grab an item from the suitcase. That guidance can sometimes present in ways we may not always appreciate. An argument with a family member, feeling undervalued at work, an injury that forces you to slow down. 

How about, instead of trying to fight the ego and banish it into the deepest recesses of our being, we give it what it wants? Shift the attention back onto yourself. The ego wants it to be all about you, so work with the ego and make it all about you. If you’re angry about something someone said, that’s all about you! They are just the mirror, reflecting your own judgments, fears, and limited perceptions back at you. Instead of focusing on their words, focus on your reaction. Why are you angry? Does your response feel similar to another experience you may have had? What can you learn from this experience? Is there a different approach or broader perspective you could explore that does not evoke feelings of anger? How is this experience encouraging you to modify or expand on your understanding of who you are?

The ego is a construct of the mind. In order to impartially observe its behaviour and motivations, we need a different perspective – one that is unattached to your duality-based identity.

The heart acts as the portal to access this broader perspective, through feelings, rather than thoughts. The fifth dimension is the point from which the ego can be observed in a more compassionate and empathetic manner. ‘The what?’, I hear you say. The fifth dimension. No, it isn’t a place you go to – it’s a state of consciousness you tune into. It’s a place of non-duality. Non-duality, simply put, means ‘not two’. It is a place where there is no perception of opposites or separation. Everything is interconnected and, ultimately, one. The ‘I’ of the ego is not separate from everything else.

The good news? If there are no polar opposites, then no measurements can take place. Which means, no judgements or comparisons can be made. Woohoo, it’s a competition-free zone! Nothing is perceived as inherently good or bad, right or wrong. Everything just ‘is’. The inability to make judgments and comparisons opens to door to complete acceptance and unconditional love of all things, including your ego. Acceptance of the ego, as a part of the whole, liberates you of the need to keep anything hidden. There is no frame of reference to label yourself as ‘I’ am this, and ‘I’ am not that. You transcend beyond the 3D labels and limits of your human identity. You are free to explore the truth about what you have created for yourself in your 3-dimensional life. No possibility is off limits and there are no attachments to any particular outcomes – born of the ego’s need to stay within the lines of its established comfort zone and its 3D rules of how things ‘should’ be. You are in flow with the universe, allowing you to make choices that are aligned with our soul purpose and your higher ‘5th dimensional’ self.

In the third dimension, the opposite of love is fear. The absence of judgement and duality in the fifth dimension creates a space where fear has no basis for existing. Fear is often rooted in judgement, separation, or the perception of threat. If all is one, there is no threat. Unconditional love then becomes the very fabric of the fifth dimension. This is why the heart is able to act as the gateway to the fifth dimension. They speak the same love language!

Even time is different in the fifth dimension. Without a scale to measure time, therefore there is no past or future. All moments exist simultaneously, in the ‘now’. The fifth dimensional aspect of your being focuses on the journey rather than the destination, giving attention to the present moment, instead of dwelling on past experiences or future destinations. The ego, however, loves to sets goals and measure outcomes. The focus is on the final destination and whether or not it measures up on your self-determined scale of success.

The ego – like every other part of you – is ultimately seeking love, acceptance, and connection. When acting in collaboration with the heart, and the essence of your fifth dimensional self, it becomes a valuable partner in the process of manifestation and navigating the physical world. The goal is not to escape to the fifth dimension, but to integrate the wisdom and potential of the fifth dimension into your everyday physical life. Let your feelings in the moment, good or bad, guide you to the truth. Value the role of the ego as an important part of this process. It lets you know when you are out of alignment with the fifth-dimensional aspect of your being. Fifth dimensional alchemy is about empowering the ego to express itself authentically in service of your highest good.

Thought Observation: Pay attention to your thoughts. Start to notice the recurring patterns of judgement, comparison, and fear. Journalling can be a good way to track your thoughts and identify any patterns that are not serving you well. Fifth-dimensional alchemy supports you to not only notice your thoughts and emotions, but to understand the deeper motivations and fears driving your ego’s behaviour.

Emotional Awareness: Emotions let you know when the ego is operating in alignment with your higher self – and when it isn’t. Feelings of anger, jealousy, or insecurity are clues that your ego is feeling threatened. Pay close attention to the beliefs and attitudes driving your emotional responses. Mindfulness practices are commonly used to become more attuned to your emotional state. In fifth-dimensional alchemy, emotions are seen as valuable messengers, rather than obstacles or weaknesses. They provide feedback about the state of our inner world and we use them as a means of accessing inner wisdom and guidance.

Trigger Identification: Learn to recognise what situations or people push your ego’s buttons. Is it certain personality traits, meeting new people, feeling unappreciated? Identifying your triggers can help you navigate your ego’s outbursts. The fifth-dimensional perspective can help identify when feelings related to the past or future are influencing and amplifying your current responses. Everyday experiences become gateways to deeper understanding, revealing areas for growth and healing.

Radical Self-Love: Embrace all parts of yourself, even the messy, ‘perfectly imperfect’ bits. You are not something that you need to fix or make whole in order to be acceptable. The ‘wholeness’ comes from loving, accepting, and acknowledging the ego as a valuable part of who you are.

Compassion Is Key: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a small child who is struggling with their feelings. When your ego acts out, don’t banish it to the naughty corner. Give it a hug and a pep talk instead. Remind it that this situation would not be presenting if you did not have the skills to deal with it.

Reframe the Narrative: Instead of seeing your ego as the enemy, see its potential. Take the time to understand its motivations and its need to protect. Collaborate with the ego and allow it to contribute as an important and worthy member of ‘team 3D’.

Values: When your ego acts in accordance with your values, it becomes the driving force behind your dreams. Make a list of your top 5 core values. Are your current goals, projects, and daily activities aligned with what truly matters to you?

Intuition: Your intuition is that inner voice, or gut feeling, guiding you from within. Trying to silence the ego creates a lot of mental chatter, drowning out the whispered truths from your 5th-dimensional ‘higher self’. Those whispers carry the subtle messages of your soul’s purpose.

Intention: Become clear about how you want to show up in the world. Clear intentions provide focus, informing the ego where to direct its attention and energy. When setting intentions, focus on how you wish to feel when you have reached your goal. Focusing on the feeling, rather than the outcome, allows for more creativity and flexibility in manifesting your desires.

Self-worth: The 5th-dimensional perspective reminds you that your worth is inherent, not earned. Connecting with your inherent worth helps you release the need for external validation and recognise your intrinsic value, regardless of achievements.

Embracing and integrating your ego transforms your inner world. Your ego becomes a valuable part of the manifestation process, in harmony with your heart and fifth-dimensional self of course! The application of a fifth-dimensional perspective when collaborating with the ego leads to some profound shifts:

Inner Harmony and Unshakable Confidence: Self-doubt gives way to self-acceptance and appreciation of your worth. Not to be confused with arrogance, this is a deep, unwavering knowing of your value, independent of external validation. The 5D way of perceiving yourself negates the need to measure up to unreasonable standards or fit into certain boxes. You are worthy simply by existing, no proof needed!

Authenticity Unleashed: You express yourself freely and fearlessly, no longer held back by the need for approval or fear of judgement. This freedom allows your unique gifts and talents to shine, enriching your life and the lives of others. You no longer feel threatened and fearful of being outshone by others. You genuinely celebrate their successes knowing that their successes do not diminish your own.

Mistakes, What Mistakes?: From a 5th-dimensional perspective, the concepts of mistakes do not exist. All experiences, even those you perceive as failures, become opportunities for learning and growth. If there are no mistakes, then there are no ‘wrong’ choices. You are free to explore life with greater curiosity and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone and play in the realm of the unknown.

Intuition Amplified: With the ego’s needs met and its concerns factored into the equation, it can quiet down again. In the calm, your intuition – your direct connection to 5D wisdom – becomes clearer and more accessible. Your decisions are more aligned with your soul’s purpose, and you navigate life with greater clarity and trust. You’re no longer second-guessing yourself, instead being guided by inner knowing.

Spiritual Growth Accelerated: Integrating the ego allows for a more profound connection to the present moment. The ego’s focus on past regrets and future anxieties eases, allowing you to connect with the timeless (or is it ‘timefull’?) and infinite potential of the fifth dimension, via the “now.”

The inner peace and harmony that results when you befriend your ego also ripples outward, transforming your external reality:

Harmonious Relationships: As you embrace self-acceptance and non-judgement, your relationships evolve. You engage with others from a place of empathy, understanding, and unconditional love, fostering deeper, more authentic connections. You see others as a reflection of yourself, mirroring the contents of your suitcase back at you – those patterns and beliefs kept secret within. This awareness allows you to explore your ‘stuff’ with more compassion when the opportunity presents. In being more open to acknowledging the contents of your own case, you are more able to recognise ‘stuff’ from other people’s suitcases that doesn’t belong in yours, resulting in healthier boundaries.

Creative Breakthroughs: With the ego’s limitations released, your creative potential is unleashed. You’re no longer blocked by fear of failure or self-doubt, allowing inspiration to flow freely. You approach projects with a sense of playfulness and joyful exploration.

Manifestation Mastery: A befriended ego becomes a powerful ally in manifestation. It provides the focus, drive, and practical skills needed to bring your dreams into 3D reality, while your 5D connection ensures that your manifestations are aligned with your highest good and the universal flow. You understand that abundance isn’t just about getting, but about being in a state of receptive allowing.

While you are definitely encouraged to embark on the journey of befriending your ego and integrating the 5th dimensional perspective into your daily life on your own, Fifth Dimensional Alchemy can provide the framework and tools for this transformative journey. As the founder of Fifth Dimensional Alchemy, Kathy Walker offers a deeper level of guidance on your journey of ego integration. Using her abilities as a psychic channel to access the broader perspective of fifth dimension, she can gently pinpoint the origins of the layers of beliefs, patterns, and defenses the ego has built up over time. This includes identifying the key, formative experiences from your past (including past lives), or even anticipated future events, that have shaped your current identity and beliefs. By bringing these subconscious and unconscious patterns into conscious awareness, in a safe and playful way, she supports you in understanding the roots of your ego’s defenses. You are then guided to explore new ways of being that are more aligned with your true fifth dimensional self.

By embracing the principles of Fifth Dimensional Alchemy and befriending your ego, you embark on a journey of profound transformation. You move from a life driven by fear, limitation, and external validation to a life of authentic self-expression, inner peace, and joyful abundance. You step into your power as a conscious creator, aligned with your soul’s purpose and the limitless potential of the 5th dimension. Are you ready to stop fighting your ego and start collaborating with it? Learn how to channel your passion, unique talents, and creative impulses, harnessing the strengths of your ego, to transform your life, inspire others, and contribute to the greater good. Take the first step towards befriending your ego, and witness your inner and outer worlds flourish in new and exciting ways.